<![CDATA[quiet]]>https://www.understatedjournal.comhttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!FPq5!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2abfe5ac-2841-4fcf-aca7-c272b8f2f07f_144x144.pngquiethttps://www.understatedjournal.comSubstackSun, 19 Apr 2026 05:01:38 GMT<![CDATA[The Secret I'll Never Write About (But He Knows)]]>https://www.understatedjournal.com/p/the-secret-ill-never-write-abouthttps://www.understatedjournal.com/p/the-secret-ill-never-write-aboutThu, 24 Jul 2025 19:44:02 GMTWe park in front of the house. The early spring air is soft, touched by a gentle sun. Together, we open his black SUV and unload white plastic bags filled with clothes and shoes, boxes of books, and a container of old sketchbooks from over ten years ago, among other things. We carry everything in.

Moving in with my boyfriend felt like progress. Still, the past doesn’t always stay behind.

I felt a heavy weight on my chest.

Would the topic of it even come up? What if it slips out when I’m intoxicated, and I wake up to him packing my belongings? Can I carry this burden for the rest of my life?

I thought I had forgotten the secret, but since moving in, it began to haunt me all day, every day. I tried to compartmentalize, attempting to forget about it and bury it deep. For a bit, I was able to enjoy my new life with my boyfriend, but the secret continued to rear its ugly head in the back of my mind.

Over a year goes by, and each one of those days torments me. Is it better to get it out for my sanity, or to keep hiding from it for the sake of our relationship?

One night, he was getting ready to go out with friends. He stepped out of the shower and opened the door to find me sitting up in bed, tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t take it anymore. It came out in pieces, my breathing growing uncontrollable. I braced myself. This might be the last night we spend together.

He lay down next to me and pulled me closer.

Take care,

Quiet

currently listening to: a gordon ramsay show in the background

hear from me sometimes

]]><![CDATA[I thought making this blog would make me feel better. It kind of didn’t.]]>https://www.understatedjournal.com/p/i-thought-making-this-blog-wouldhttps://www.understatedjournal.com/p/i-thought-making-this-blog-wouldSat, 17 May 2025 17:24:31 GMTApril 25, 2011. My first journal entry. I was five days away from my 11th birthday, and I was excited to have something I could call my own. I didn’t write every day, but I stuck with it.

As the years went on, I became obsessed with documenting rather than expressing. I was afraid of losing information, something that could be a reminder of the past, even if I have no attachment to it. My entries became long and tiresome. Eventually, it became impossible to keep up amidst the growing complexity of life in high school.

Fast forward to 2025. Now, as I begin my transition from a career that isn’t for me to a master’s program in Information and Library Science, I got the impulse to start something new.

I bought the domain (understatedjournal.com ⁠— try it out lol). Money is gone now so I need to make the most out of it. I need to face my fear of losing information and memories. One of the reasons why I couldn’t journal online was because I was afraid the internet wouldn’t exist in the future (a very real fear now). I’ll try a backup, like printing out each entry and keeping those safe.

I look forward to the new musings that await.

Take care,

Quiet

currently listening to: Symphony No. 2 in B minor ⁠— Alexander Borodin

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